What is Domestic Violence?

As well as actual physical violence, domestic violence can involve a wide range of abusive and controlling behaviour, including:

• Threats

• Harassment

• Physical Attacks

• Financial Control

• Emotional Abuse

Domestic violence is often used to keep power and control over another person. So-called honour crimes, forced marriage and female genital mutilation are also other forms of domestic violence.

If you are being abused, threatened, or physically or sexually assaulted by a partner, a former partner, or a family member, that is domestic violence.

Remember - We all have the right to live without fear of violence and abuse.

If your partner or someone close to you is abusing you, there are three important steps you can take.

• Recognise that it is happening to you.
• Accept that you are not to blame
• Get help and support

Recognising domestic violence

Domestic violence is usually a pattern of abuse, which may include destructive criticism, pressure tactics, disrespect, breaking trust, isolation and harassment. Some abusers are sorry for their actions and persuade their partners that the abuse won’t happen again. But, however persuasive they seem, the violence usually gets worse over time.

Accepting that you are not to blame

It is not easy to accept that a loved one can behave so aggressively. And because you can’t explain your partner’s behaviour, you may assume that you are to blame. You are not. No one deserves to be assaulted, abused or humiliated, least of all by a partner in a supposedly caring relationship. It is your abuser’s behaviour that needs to change. There is no excuse.

Getting help

The most important thing you can do is tell someone you trust. You may quite easily and quickly decide to ask for help. Or, you may find the process long and painful as you try to make the relationship work and stop the violence, while struggling against the practical and emotional reasons for staying. Most people try to find help a number of times before getting what they need. And even after leaving the relationship, there may still be a risk. The point of separation is sometimes the most dangerous time. Never be afraid to ask for help again and remember, in an emergency, always call the police by dialling 999.

What to do if someone you know is experiencing Domestic Abuse

• Most importantly, make sure they are safe. This is the number one priority
• Be understanding. Explain that there are many people in this situation. Acknowledge that it takes strength to trust someone enough to talk about the abuse. Allow them time to talk, and don’t push them to give too much detail if they don’t want to.
• Do not criticise the abuser, as it will put the person off telling you any more.
• Be supportive. Be a good listener, and encourage them to express their hurt and anger.
• Let them make their own decisions. If they aren’t ready to leave the relationship, this is their decision.
• Ask if they have suffered physical harm. Offer to go with them to hospital if they need to go. If they want to report the assault to the police, help them to do this.
• Give them information on the help that is available. Look at the options together. Go with them to visit a solicitor if they are ready to take this step.
• Help them work out safe plans for leaving the relationship. Let them decide what is safe and what is not. Don’t encourage them to follow any plans they are not sure about.
• Offer to let them use your address and phone number for receiving information and messages.
• Above all, do not put yourself in a dangerous position. For example, do not offer to talk to the abuser about your friend, or let the abuser see you as a threat to their relationship.

For more information please see www.womensaid.org.uk. 

Or contact Plymouth Women's Aid Ltd.